*My Testimony*

When i was around the age of ten me and my sister stayed with a very christian family alot, my mother was a single mom who worked very hard to provide for me and my sister, so she wasn't around as much as she would have liked to be. I had always been brought to church when i was younger with both of my parents when they were still married, and I can remember both of them being very involved at Spring Hill Baptist Church. After my parents divorced me and my sister stayed with this family while my mom was at work. They went to church every time the doors were open, prayed at every meal, and their mother played the piano at church. They took us to church with them every time they went. So, I have to say this family is the way that I really truly got introduced to Jesus and God. I would go to my dad's house every other weekend after my parents divorced, and my dad would still take me to church sometimes while I was there with him on Sunday mornings. I was at his house in his living room the day I told him I wanted to be saved. The next weekend I was with him I got saved at Spring Hill Baptist Church, then got baptized at Mt. Hebron Church because Spring Hill didn't have a tub to be baptized in. Now I was about 10 years old if not younger, and I can really hardly remember it. I know I knew that Jesus died on the cross for me, and he rose from the dead, and that if I wanted to go to heaven I had to be saved. As I got older and curious I started drifting far away from God, and stopped going to the family's house me and my sister would spend alot of time at. Before long I had no interest in going to church at all. When I was 13 I got more interested in a boy and had all my time and mind consumed into that one boy.Then I made friends with bad influences and got interested in drugs, alcohol, and smoking. I had made a habit of taking prescription pills the most, and while I would be under the influence I would do things that I normally wouldn't do. I was always angry, always sad, and very lost as a person. When I was 16 me and the boy I had my whole life around drifted apart, and from then on I was constantly searching for love to make me feel whole as a person. I was looking for a boyfriend that would eventually be my husband and I would spend forever with. For some reason in my mind I actually thought that this could happen at such a young age. I had to be in a relationship, if I wasn't I would become extremely depressed and turn to drugs and alcohol. I had 3 real bad heartbreaks in high school. I seriously thought my world was completely over with 2 of them. The breakup I had my senior year actually had me so upset that I had to go to the Dr. because I couldn't keep anything down and was sick to my stomach. I was in the bed crying alot, didn't go to school, and had actually made myself sick over it. I can even remember thinking "I wish I could go to sleep and just never wake up." I didn't even want to live anymore. Well guess what I did not long after that? Was trying to find a new boyfriend. You could almost call it desperate. I started dating someone, and I graduated from high school, and I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. 5 months later I end up 18 and pregnant. We were supposed to get married and live happily ever after... but that didn't happen. I didn't see the boyfriend as he really was because how can you really know someone after 5 months? I tried and tried to make that relationship work for my child that I was about to have. When I was about 6 months pregnant I ended up leaving from there and going back to my mom's house. Now my mom was a truck driver and drove across the United States. She was hardly ever home. So there I am 6 months pregnant, totally alone, and heart broken because I thought someone was who they wasn't. Now this was the WORST pain I have ever felt in my life. I felt so unworthy, I wondered why he wouldn't change for me? or for the baby I was carrying. I was 18 and about to have a child all by myself. I was a pregnant single teenager. I thought "what boy would want to be with me if I have a kid?" I was the lowest I had ever been my entire life. This is when I starting turning back to God. I would do nothing but cry and pray for him to guide me to what I needed to do. I didn't know if I needed to try harder to make it work with the father of the baby I was pregnant with, or if I needed to eventually find someone else. I was single the longest I had ever been. I was pregnant so I couldn't turn to drugs. I turned to God! I started going back to church some, I prayed more than I had ever prayed in my life. I can even remember dropping to my knees bawling and crying out to Jesus to "please take the pain away from my heart." Now after I had my precious baby girl, I was the happiest I had ever been! She was my world and I knew I had to grow up and do right, and that is what I did! The last time I turned to any kind of drug was before i was ever pregnant. She made me want to be the best person I could be. I still prayed every day for God to send me someone who would treat me right, and be good to not only me, but to my daughter too. I still had that hole in my life that I needed filled. When my daughter was about a month old I got a phone call from one of my guy friends from school, I have known this boy since 5th grade, and had been friends with him since 6th grade. I hadn't heard from him since graduation and he just happened to call an hour after I had made up my mind that I was going to call my sister, who lived about 2 hours away from me, and see if me and my daughter could move in with her because I wanted a fresh start in life. Well I never made that phone call to my sister, because me and my friend from school ended up talking for hours that night, then he came and visited me and my daughter a few days later. Then he just kept visiting after that, and we became closer, and he was so great with my daughter, who was 6 weeks old when me and him started dating. After we had been dating a few months, One day while we were talking I tell him I think God sent him to me because I had been praying for someone to come into mine and my daughter's life. He tells me that he had been praying for someone to come into his life to help him change his ways because he was going down a very bad path. When he told me that I got chills and goosebumps and I knew in my heart that God had answered both of our prayers. I just wish in high school all those years I wasted trying to find happiness with boys, love, and my relationship status, that I was more focused on my life, and on my relationship status with Jesus Christ our one and only savior. If I had just focused on God and went to church I wouldn't have been in so much hurt all of those years. I wouldn't have got in the trouble I had gotten in, I wouldn't have been trying to cope with my life with taking pills I shouldn't have been taking, or drinking alcohol that i shouldn't have been drinking. All I would of had to do was turn to Jesus when I was trying to deal with the struggles of being a teenager. He could have made my teenage years so much better if I had turned to him and asked for help. I was turning to all of the wrong things to make me feel whole, but Jesus is truly the only person who has the power to make you feel whole as a person. Since I have grown up, and have had another child, and married my best friend who was God sent at God's own time I have rededicated my life to Jesus. The day I done this I felt God's presence that morning as I was getting ready for church. I knew I needed to let someone keep my youngest daughter because I Knew she wouldn't have let me go to the front of the church when I was being called. The whole church service I felt God more than I ever had before. It was almost overwhelming and where I couldn't ignore it. I knew I had to rededicate my life to Jesus Christ! I wanted a fresh start, I wanted to start my life completely over and live the right way! To be a better role model for my children. To shine God's light in everything I do. I am now the closest to God I have ever been and I can honestly say I feel like a totally new person. I'm so much happier, I look at so many things in different ways now. I quit smoking cigarettes, I have found a new love for running and taking care of myself. I actually want to learn more about God's word and Jesus every chance I get. I love my Church and the people who go there. My daughters have learned so much in the little time they have been going also! I loooove to listen to christian music now, which it used to get on my nerves. I can listen to it now and feel his glory down on me! It really is an amazing feeling to fully surrender my life to Jesus, and give everything to him. I also don't worry as much as I used to because I know that everything is in the hands of the creator and he will see me through anything and everything. If you have something you are doing to feel self worth besides turning your life completely over to Jesus, I promise whatever you are doing is no where near the feeling you get from when you have been given a new life! Jesus died on the cross for you! He loves you so much that he endured so much pain and agony so that you could one day spend eternity in heaven. No matter what you have done, he will forgive you of your sins and wrong doings. He will love you no matter what you do, he will always forgive you and their is no love stronger or greater than that! His love never fails! If you have not asked Jesus into your heart I hope that my testimony might lead you to make that decision to, or if you feel like you should rededicate your life to Jesus and start over new like I did... I hope you will make that decision to. I don't know about you, but I look forward to spending eternity with Jesus in heaven. To be able to be with someone who loves me so much before I was here on earth, someone who died for me so I can have a better life, and be happier than I ever have before! There is no man or boy on this earth, or woman or girl on this earth that loves you more than Jesus or God. God sent his only son to earth to die for our sins. Now that is love! That is worth feeling whole about! I know my redeemer lives!

**God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

**He will never leave thee or forsake thee. Hebrew 13:5

**"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God, that man has to seek Him just to find her."