Christian??

 

 

 

 

What is a Christian? In today's society it comes off as a person who is judgmental, arrogant, conceited, stuck up, rude, or even hateful and the list could go on. And those views of Christian characteristics are coming from another Christian. I would hate to think what a nonbeliever thinks of us. People are giving Christianity a bad name and it's time for a wake up call. Yes, when you have Jesus in your heart He makes you feel better than ever before, and He transforms your heart and mind against sin, But that doesn't mean to hate the people that Sin! You hate Sin, not the person that sins. Jesus loves everyone no matter what they do. And guess what? Every one of us sins daily no matter how hard we try not to. So if we are looking down at a person just because they sin differently than we do, what does that say about us? It's not very Christ like and it's not going to bring anyone to know Jesus either. We are supposed to have a gentle loving spirit and try to mirror the image of Christ the very best we can. If you're walking around with your nose up in the air thinking you are better than everyone else... You need a reality check because it's not you that has done anything. God is the one who has gave you everything that you have, he's the one who sent his son to save you... You didn't save yourself. We were all created by God and we ALL serve a purpose for Him! Just because some people haven't been called upon yet doesn't mean to look down at them. You need to lift those people up and help by being a stepping stone towards the life God has for them. Everything in everybody's life happens for a reason. It molds them to be who God wants them to be. So every time we judge someone for something, we are actually judging God's plan. Everyone needs to stop judging so much and just start encouraging and loving people towards a better direction. We need to be so loving and gentle and happy that nonbelievers look at our behavior and wonder where it is coming from. So they can question why they don't believe. We can't lead anybody to Christ if we are looking down at them and making them feel worse than what they already feel like. We all have enough hate in this world as it is. Christians need to get their hearts right and remember this life isn't about us, this life is about God and what we can do for Him. It's about waking up and craving the presence of The Lord to guide you that day, and to show Jesus Christ through your life. There are so many people in churches that have just gotten so wrapped up in their activities and projects that they start getting bitter and rude. If you are doing so much in church that you are stressed out all the time and are unhappy and rude all the time and not being very Christ like... Maybe you should let go of a few things and stop trying to do so much. Because if you don't have a happy heart while doing it, you aren't truly serving God while you are doing it anyways. So it's not only driving people away from church, it's actually pointless all together. We need to be the LIGHT in the church and in this dark world. If someone who is in charge of something in the church and they are not joyful and they are hateful, in my opinion, you need to remember why you are doing what you are doing. You don't want to push people away, you want to draw people in by your positive behavior. It's hard to not be stressed out in today's world with all that is going on, but with God's help we can have a sweet gentle spirit within us. Actions are a lot louder than words. Let your actions and behavior be your biggest testimony. Show the world how great our God is by not even speaking at all, and when you do speak, be so joyful and full of God's grace that you light up someone's life.

 

 

                                                      

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you sure that you are saved?

  

  
    Are you saved? Whenever you asked Jesus into your heart did you do it because He was calling you? or did you do it just because a friend was doing it? or you felt it was just the right thing to do? When you got saved did anything in your life change? If the answer to the last question is no... You more than likely aren't saved. Yes, once Jesus comes into your heart he will be there forever, but only once he was actually really there. When you get saved you have to REPENT. Repentance means a sincere turning away, in both the mind and heart, from self to God. Each person who turns to God in genuine repentance and faith will be saved. When you are saved you have the need to want to do better. Your body will crave the knowledge of how Jesus was, so you can be like him too. You will be so addicted to trying to please God that you feel like you will never do enough, but in reality God is always pleased by us. We all fall short of the glory of God. But if you genuinely loved Jesus Christ, and you knew the pain he went through on that cross for you, you would strive every single day to show your love for him! I'm sorry but you ARE NOT a Christian if you are not living your life everyday to glorify God in some way. If you go to church every Sunday that's great... But if that is the ONLY day you worship him... That's not great. When you are saved you become one with Jesus Christ EVERY SINGLE DAY. Your main goal in your life is to know what God has made you for, and do it. God isn't going to let you in heaven if he doesn't know you. I mean really KNOW you. If you aren't righteous and full of Jesus, why would he let you in the most pure amazing place ever?? Matthew 7:21-23 says, “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'
    
   People have come to think "Ok, I've prayed this prayer for Jesus to come into my heart. I'm saved, and I'm going to heaven." Then NOTHING in their lives change. They continue to live their lives for them, and not for God. Well I'm sorry to tell you... But just praying a prayer doesn't get you into heaven. You have to mean that prayer, and you have to apply it to your life every single day after you say it. If people cannot tell you are a Christian unless you say it from your mouth... You are not acting like a Christian. I'm not judging, I'm simply speaking the truth. God has put this topic on my heart to get it out into the world. Time is running out people. Jesus will be coming back. Now, let me ask this question again. Are you saved? Maybe you have been saved but just need to rededicate your life to Jesus and start over all new. Give him your heart! Surrender your life to him now! What are you waiting for? Do you not know that Jesus loves you more than anybody on this earth ever could imagine loving you? With God's help he can make you be the person he has made you to be. Jeremiah 1:5 says  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Ask God to help you know why you were born. Ask him to help you understand the bible. Ask him to help lead you in the right direction. But when you ask him, mean it with all of your heart. Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

   He knows your heart, and He knows if you are worthy enough for heaven. When you are a born again Christian it won't feel like work, or it won't be a pain to try to live out the life the bible says to live. It will be a complete Joy to please The Lord. Luke 16:15 says Then he said to them, “You like to appear righteous in public, but God knows your hearts. What this world honors is detestable in the sight of God. (NLT)

   Everybody will always sin, including myself. Romans 3:23 says "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" but if you try with all your heart not to sin it's making progress, and God will know your heart. Ephesians 2:8-10 says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." You have to let God control your life. Let Go, and Let God. If you have the need to want to do right, do it! That's God speaking to you. Don't ignore him. Ask him to forgive you, and ask him to please help you live for him. You can't do it alone, you have to have God's help.

   I'm aware that this will step on a lot of people's toes. This is a HUGE problem is today's society. I'm not trying to judge anyone. Whether you are saved or not is between you and God. Only he knows who and who won't make it into Heaven. All I'm trying to do is share the truth that God has laid on my heart to share. If you don't believe it, that's fine, that's between you and the Almighty. I have been battling with this subject for 3 months now, and I know in my heart that I'm supposed to share it. I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way, but if you are offended maybe it is you who God made me write this for. This is nothing but me loving you and trying to get you to see that there is more to this life! You have a purpose, and when you find that purpose through God, great and unimaginable things will unfold in your life. If you feel guilty or anxious, you are under conviction. Don't fight it, just let go of it by asking for forgiveness of your wrong doings, and read your bible and do what it says the best way you know how to. The more you do it, the easier it becomes, and God will show his self to you more and you will be amazed. I'm not making this stuff up, read your bible and learn it for yourself. Experience all of this yourself. Have a very close and personal relationship with Jesus Christ every day, every night, and every second of the day. Let him fill your body with his presence and do what he is telling you to do.

*2 Corinthians 7:8-11
⁸ Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it—I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while— ⁹ yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. ¹⁰ Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. ¹¹ See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.

God is waiting on you to take your part in His everlasting story.

 

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." This verse is very powerful if you really think about it. I like to look at it as everything you have done, and been through is preparing you to be the person you need to be for God. Every one of us has our very own special calling to be someone to help God, and to help spread his word and love. I have been trying to listen to God and do as he wants so I can be who Christ wants me to be, and so I can do his good works. I got to thinking one day about my past, and how I wish alot of it didn't happen, and how I regret alot of stuff I've done... but then I remembered Ephesians 2:10 and how it says God has already had my plan. So, that means everything I've went through has had an impact on who I am as a Christian now. I've been so many different people in my life and I've never understood why I was like that. I've been the "Depressed Gothic Chick" who listened to rock and metal music, did drugs, and hated my life. (Very embarrassing to admit lol) I've been the "Hip Hop Dancer" who listened to rap ALL the time, danced ALL the time, had a filthy mouth, and thought it was cool to party and get drunk. I've been "The Redneck" who drank alot while going mudding, or riding around being stupid, or sitting around a bone fire drinking and listening to country music. I've been the "Single Pregnant Teenager" who felt the most alone I'd ever felt in my life until my precious baby girl was born. I've been the "Young Mom and Wife" who thinks everything has to be perfect, and just about drive myself to a nervous breakdown from doing too much, and trying to be perfect. I got to thinking about this one day and was wondering why all of that was a part of God's plan? Why is all of my embarrassing past experiences a part of God's plan? I honestly believe I was so many different people in the past so that I can relate to many different types of people to bring them to know Christ. Maybe if people see my life and how Jesus has changed me, and they can relate to something from my past, they will come to know Christ too. Maybe someone will turn to me for guidance because they know "I've been there too". I don't know exactly what my calling is yet, but I do know that from me writing my blog posts I've reached out to people in other countries who may not have known Christ. I know that God has big plans for me, I can feel it, and I know it in my heart. Now the question is: What is your calling? Do you know why certain events have played out in your life? Are you listening to God to let him lead your way? Or are you trying to write your own story when God has already written yours and knows the out come? Before you can try to figure out your calling you have got to get right with the Lord. The best way to "listen" to God is through scriptures. Sometimes a verse will be brought to my attention more than once and I will realize God is trying to tell me something. This was in my women's bible study book called "Stuck" we did a while back, it said "As we begin to grasp the greater picture of God and His work around us, we long to become a part of the story. He wrote a part for each of us in this story - but most of us are ignoring Him and writing our own stories. His story lasts forever, and the ones we write will melt away." Isaiah 40:8 says "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever." If you listen to your calling and influence lives to Christ, then that will last forever! By changing one life, that could change their whole family for generations and generations. Matthew 5:16 says "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Get your life right with the Lord, and be a Christian influence to people who may not know him as well as you. Sometimes just your love and actions can shine God's light better than any words you could say. If you don't understand alot of stuff about God or the bible, all you have to do is pray that God will open your eyes, mind, and heart to help you understand what you need to do to live for Him. Pray that bible verses will make sense to you. Pray that God will help you find what your calling is, and help you to hear Him for your guidance. Once you start getting on track with The Lord, everything else in your life will get on track too. You'll start to see God working right beside you to help you get to your calling in life. But before you get to the big stuff, you have to go through the little stuff. You will be tested, and your faith will get stronger. You'll have bad stuff happen... just so you will be shown that God's plan is so much bigger than ours. He will give you "double for your trouble" and prove to you their is no need to worry. But it all has to start by asking Jesus into your heart. If you are uncertain about where you are going when you leave this earth, chances are you won't be going to heaven. What are you waiting for? Tomorrow isn't promised and time is wasting. Every moment is precious, and instead of living your planned out life from the Lord, you are wasting it on stuff that doesn't even matter.

 

 

* 1 Timothy 4:14 "Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you."

 

*1 Corinthians 15:58 "Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor is not in vain."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bible isn't a list of rules, but the instruction book for your life.

I recently found myself trying to think back to how I saw things when I wasn't right with God. I was trying to think like someone I was trying to push closer to God. I was seeing someone who I really cared about so unhappy, angry all the time, stressed out to the max, drinking, depressed, and just plain out miserable. I tried for months talking to them about God. I would text them bible verses, tell them how I got closer to God, and explained that God has a specific plan for everyone. I told them to have faith in the Lord, and to pray about what was bothering them, and to go to church to learn how to be how God wants you to be. I found out the hard way that it's not up to me to push someone back to God. The more I talked about God to this person the more aggravated they would get. I finally just stopped talking to them about it and started focusing on me and my Christian influences. Sometimes people need to see the love of Jesus through you. They may need to learn it from watching you. I not only prayed for God to come back into this person's life, but I also prayed for God to change my heart and for me to stop judging this person, and to let me find happiness in The Lord, to were this person wouldn't upset me with their behavior. And guess what? Since then, this person has gotten closer to the Lord.

But while I was going through that struggle with that person I tried to remember how I reacted when people used to invite me to church, or try to tell me about God, or how I looked at religious people. I didn't think very good thoughts to be honest. I mean, when you are doing whatever you want to do, you kind of see it all as rules you have to follow. Who likes rules anyways? How can you be happy when you think God wants you to stop doing things "you think" you like to do. Or you think you can't be "cool" being a christian and living the way God wants you to live. But now that I'm saved and have grown with Christ I know that those thoughts were SO WRONG. I had it all wrong. I mean, isn't the reason most people aren't living for Christ because they are too selfish to let go of earthly things for the ONE person that loves us so much that he died on the cross for us??

Since I now know the truth I will share it. I realize it might not matter if I do, but there is still a possibility it could open some body's eyes and bring them to know Christ. Christianity isn't a "do this and don't do that" mentality; it is a "when you come to know Jesus all thoughts change." When you get saved, and start reading the bible, and praying you WILL see a change. God will start moving in your life, and once he does it is a high like no other. I have been so moved by God before that I cried all day. Not because I was sad, but because I was so overwhelmed by His spirit! It was the most awesome feeling EVER! When you experience God you WANT to do what he wants you to do. It isn't rules I feel like I have to follow. I have no interest in doing the stuff I used to do that wasn't holy. I now look at the people that do the things I used to do and feel so bad for them because they aren't living the good life. They think they are living the good life of being able to do what they want, but there is NO OTHER WAY to be the happiest you have ever been without Jesus. He brings you peace like no other, happiness like no other, love like no other, and a new "you" like no other person or thing can.

If you say you are saved, and say you are a christian and you haven't experienced any of that; then answer these questions: Do you pray every day? Do you read the bible, or bible verses every day? Do you go to church? Do you try to know God better, or try to find out what it is God has made as your calling? Can you do better? Of course you can! Everybody can do better. Why? because even your very best is no where close to how Holy Jesus Christ is. The bible says we should be more like Jesus. But none of us can really be like him because He is sinless, and we are all sinners. We can try our hardest to be like him though. The harder you try, the better you can get; and the more you live the way you should, the more blessings you receive. I'm not saying I'm a perfect Christian. I still struggle with doing what is right at times, but the more I surrender my heart to the Lord, the easier it gets for me to do right. And no matter how bad I mess up, Jesus is still going to be there to help get me back on track.

Something else I hear alot "Christian's are so judging." I've realized that most Christians aren't really judging. They are trying to help someone have a life that is better than they have ever had, or they are trying to share the word of God like they are supposed to do. I feel like Christians are so misunderstood, because so many of the things true Christians do can only be understood once you are saved. I didn't understand any of it until I started trying to understand it. Once I started to understand it I wanted to understand it more, I couldn't get enough. I wanted to know more, and more, and more. It was amazing how I could be struggling with something, and open my bible app on my phone and read a bible verse or read my daily devotional and it would help me about what I was struggling about! That is the power of God! He will talk to you through scripture, and other Godly things. He is always listening to us, and wants to help us have an easier life. He already knows what is going to happen, so why don't we just put all of our trust in him, and have stronger faith in him? Yes, it's hard to do. But I've found the more I let go, the more peace I have.

So, am I saying the bible isn't a bunch of rules to follow? That people actually want to live that way? Yes, I am. Once Jesus comes into your heart you will see for yourself that doing even the best, you will feel like it comes to no comparison to what you should be doing for someone who loves you as much as God and Jesus does. I once told the person I mentioned in the beginning of this: "I finally know why it's called getting "saved". Because I am saved from the person I used to be, I'm saved from all of my unhappiness, and I'm saved from going to hell." Now these changes don't happen all at once. You have got to get to know God. Try the best you know how to. I used to not be able to understand the bible and what it was saying, But the more I read it, the more I started to understand it. Sometimes I still might not know what it is saying, that's when I look it up in another version of the bible. There's King James Version (KJV), New King James Version (NKJV), New International Version (NIV), The Message, and TONS of other versions of the bible that can help you understand it better. The Bible is God's word. When the Devil tried to tempt Jesus in Matthew 4:4, Jesus said to him, "Man Shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." The Bible is like instructions for your life. Everything you need to know is in the Bible. It tells us how to be good Christians, tells us how to be husband and wife, it tells us how to be parents, and how to be children, and every single thing about life that you need to know is in there. God's word is to help keep us on track, and to guide us through life. Psalm 119:105 says "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

*Don't worry about others and what they think about you, worry about you and your relationship with God. In the End, He is all that matters.  


*2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."

 

 

 

 

 

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"The Lord will provide"

 
October 2013 my husband called me from work telling me he was getting laid off from his job he had been working at for the past 4 years. At first I thought he was kidding, until I heard he was crying. We have a house, 2 vehicles, 2 young children, and bills just like everyone else has to pay. So of course I totally freak out and start going into crazy survival mode as soon as I hung up the phone. I started literally throwing stuff into our garage to sale, I started calling companies and turning all of our "extra" stuff off like our Internet and satellite provider. I was trying to find somebody to watch my girls so I could go find a job just 30 minutes after my husband told me he was getting laid off. I didn't have anybody to watch them, which was probably a good thing because I was panicking. Its very scary having to think "What if we lose our house?" or "How are we going to buy groceries?" or "What about Christmas? Will my kids have presents under the tree for Christmas?"
 
 I'm writing this because I am truly amazed at how God has provided for us while my husband has been laid off these past 3 months. God has been working through so many people to help provide for us during our struggle that we haven't even had hardly any struggle. We have had to go without, but we have had everything we need, all thanks to God and answered prayers. We never asked for help or asked for anything, God knew what we needed and worked through others to provide what we needed. I now will begin to tell about the blessings and answered prayers God sent us... be ready for chill bumps, because it's amazing!

October 25, 2013 was the day my husband was laid off. October 30, 2013 he started a new job. Now it wasn't as much pay as he was getting, and it was a much farther drive, but God blessed him with this Job just 5 days later.

We had tried to have a garage sale and we made some extra money, but i still had so many baby clothes left, and i felt like God was telling me to give them away to someone. I packed up 2 big bags of clothes and gave them to a friend with a baby who was very appreciative of them, and come to find out who really needed them. Just a week later I get a phone call from a very sweet woman I go to church with asking what size clothes my oldest daughter was in because she had some clothes her daughter had out grown. They were my daughter's size and she brought 2 big bags of winter clothes that my daughter really needed. I gave 2 bags of clothes away, and received 2 bags of clothes. Now, you tell me that wasn't a blessing from God!! That was no coincidence.

The month of December is when we really got some answered prayers. I have had an old friend come to me for help who has had no one else to turn to. I had no idea how we could help because we were barely getting by ourselves. My husband gave them our last $20 one day because he saw they were doing worse off than us. Well a couple days later my husband gets a call saying he has a $125 gift card to Walmart at the place he was laid off from, from were people had took up money for the people who were laid off. We were down to no money and got that call!

One day while I was stressing out about how my daughters had hardly any Christmas presents from Santa I get a text message from another woman I go to church with asking if my daughters would play with certain toys, and that she cleaned her daughters closet out and had some toys I could give to my daughters for Christmas! What a blessing!! So thankful for my church family!

A few weeks later me and my husband were on our way to get pictures made at the fire department and were running late for our appointment and my husband was speeding, we get pulled over and we also had an expired tag because we hadn't been able to afford to get them yet. So the police officer tells us we were speeding and our tag is expired, which we already knew lol, and my husband explains that he had been laid off and we are living pay check to pay check barely getting by. He goes to his car and comes back with just a warning, and gave us 2 more months to renew our tags! Later that same night my husband was telling someone about it and they tell my husband they will buy our tags not to worry about them! PRAISE THE LORD!! Then later on that same night I get a message on facebook from a very sweet young girl telling me she has cleaned out her closet and has some clothes she thinks will fit me, and that she has some toys to give to my girls. She didn't know we needed them, and she didn't know i needed clothes. She had more toys that i put under the Christmas tree for my girls, and clothes for me to wear to church that I needed!

That's not all, we had 2 other times when were down to no money and My husband found out he got a check for sub pay, then another time we got a check from our escrow account with our mortgage where we had too much money in it or something like that lol

The only person I asked for help was my dad, I asked him to help pay for my braces until we get back on our feet good, and I'm glad i did because he gave me some good advice. He said "The Lord will provide, you may not have everything you want, but he will provide you with what you need." Almost every day i prayed to God "Please Lord continue to provide for us during this difficult time in our lives, and guide my husband to what he needs to do, and help us be who we need to be." We kept our financial problems mostly to ourselves, hardly anybody knew we were having a hard time. I didn't understand why this was happening to us, but I believe it was to push my family closer to God. To expand my faith to see that God was listening to me and that he is always here for me. It has also pushed me to pray more, and to not be embarrassed to pray out loud to my family. I believe my husband has gotten closer to God, and his new job allowed him to be off every Sunday so he was able to go to church with me every Sunday morning. My husband got a call saying he was able to come back to work and was no longer laid off. He starts back January 6th. He was the 6th person out of 6 people that was called back to work. Hallelujah!!

* Matthew 6:31-34 "So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's on."

* Luke 12:24 "Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"

 

 

 

 

*My Testimony*

When i was around the age of ten me and my sister stayed with a very christian family alot, my mother was a single mom who worked very hard to provide for me and my sister, so she wasn't around as much as she would have liked to be. I had always been brought to church when i was younger with both of my parents when they were still married, and I can remember both of them being very involved at Spring Hill Baptist Church. After my parents divorced me and my sister stayed with this family while my mom was at work. They went to church every time the doors were open, prayed at every meal, and their mother played the piano at church. They took us to church with them every time they went. So, I have to say this family is the way that I really truly got introduced to Jesus and God. I would go to my dad's house every other weekend after my parents divorced, and my dad would still take me to church sometimes while I was there with him on Sunday mornings. I was at his house in his living room the day I told him I wanted to be saved. The next weekend I was with him I got saved at Spring Hill Baptist Church, then got baptized at Mt. Hebron Church because Spring Hill didn't have a tub to be baptized in. Now I was about 10 years old if not younger, and I can really hardly remember it. I know I knew that Jesus died on the cross for me, and he rose from the dead, and that if I wanted to go to heaven I had to be saved. As I got older and curious I started drifting far away from God, and stopped going to the family's house me and my sister would spend alot of time at. Before long I had no interest in going to church at all. When I was 13 I got more interested in a boy and had all my time and mind consumed into that one boy.Then I made friends with bad influences and got interested in drugs, alcohol, and smoking. I had made a habit of taking prescription pills the most, and while I would be under the influence I would do things that I normally wouldn't do. I was always angry, always sad, and very lost as a person. When I was 16 me and the boy I had my whole life around drifted apart, and from then on I was constantly searching for love to make me feel whole as a person. I was looking for a boyfriend that would eventually be my husband and I would spend forever with. For some reason in my mind I actually thought that this could happen at such a young age. I had to be in a relationship, if I wasn't I would become extremely depressed and turn to drugs and alcohol. I had 3 real bad heartbreaks in high school. I seriously thought my world was completely over with 2 of them. The breakup I had my senior year actually had me so upset that I had to go to the Dr. because I couldn't keep anything down and was sick to my stomach. I was in the bed crying alot, didn't go to school, and had actually made myself sick over it. I can even remember thinking "I wish I could go to sleep and just never wake up." I didn't even want to live anymore. Well guess what I did not long after that? Was trying to find a new boyfriend. You could almost call it desperate. I started dating someone, and I graduated from high school, and I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. 5 months later I end up 18 and pregnant. We were supposed to get married and live happily ever after... but that didn't happen. I didn't see the boyfriend as he really was because how can you really know someone after 5 months? I tried and tried to make that relationship work for my child that I was about to have. When I was about 6 months pregnant I ended up leaving from there and going back to my mom's house. Now my mom was a truck driver and drove across the United States. She was hardly ever home. So there I am 6 months pregnant, totally alone, and heart broken because I thought someone was who they wasn't. Now this was the WORST pain I have ever felt in my life. I felt so unworthy, I wondered why he wouldn't change for me? or for the baby I was carrying. I was 18 and about to have a child all by myself. I was a pregnant single teenager. I thought "what boy would want to be with me if I have a kid?" I was the lowest I had ever been my entire life. This is when I starting turning back to God. I would do nothing but cry and pray for him to guide me to what I needed to do. I didn't know if I needed to try harder to make it work with the father of the baby I was pregnant with, or if I needed to eventually find someone else. I was single the longest I had ever been. I was pregnant so I couldn't turn to drugs. I turned to God! I started going back to church some, I prayed more than I had ever prayed in my life. I can even remember dropping to my knees bawling and crying out to Jesus to "please take the pain away from my heart." Now after I had my precious baby girl, I was the happiest I had ever been! She was my world and I knew I had to grow up and do right, and that is what I did! The last time I turned to any kind of drug was before i was ever pregnant. She made me want to be the best person I could be. I still prayed every day for God to send me someone who would treat me right, and be good to not only me, but to my daughter too. I still had that hole in my life that I needed filled. When my daughter was about a month old I got a phone call from one of my guy friends from school, I have known this boy since 5th grade, and had been friends with him since 6th grade. I hadn't heard from him since graduation and he just happened to call an hour after I had made up my mind that I was going to call my sister, who lived about 2 hours away from me, and see if me and my daughter could move in with her because I wanted a fresh start in life. Well I never made that phone call to my sister, because me and my friend from school ended up talking for hours that night, then he came and visited me and my daughter a few days later. Then he just kept visiting after that, and we became closer, and he was so great with my daughter, who was 6 weeks old when me and him started dating. After we had been dating a few months, One day while we were talking I tell him I think God sent him to me because I had been praying for someone to come into mine and my daughter's life. He tells me that he had been praying for someone to come into his life to help him change his ways because he was going down a very bad path. When he told me that I got chills and goosebumps and I knew in my heart that God had answered both of our prayers. I just wish in high school all those years I wasted trying to find happiness with boys, love, and my relationship status, that I was more focused on my life, and on my relationship status with Jesus Christ our one and only savior. If I had just focused on God and went to church I wouldn't have been in so much hurt all of those years. I wouldn't have got in the trouble I had gotten in, I wouldn't have been trying to cope with my life with taking pills I shouldn't have been taking, or drinking alcohol that i shouldn't have been drinking. All I would of had to do was turn to Jesus when I was trying to deal with the struggles of being a teenager. He could have made my teenage years so much better if I had turned to him and asked for help. I was turning to all of the wrong things to make me feel whole, but Jesus is truly the only person who has the power to make you feel whole as a person. Since I have grown up, and have had another child, and married my best friend who was God sent at God's own time I have rededicated my life to Jesus. The day I done this I felt God's presence that morning as I was getting ready for church. I knew I needed to let someone keep my youngest daughter because I Knew she wouldn't have let me go to the front of the church when I was being called. The whole church service I felt God more than I ever had before. It was almost overwhelming and where I couldn't ignore it. I knew I had to rededicate my life to Jesus Christ! I wanted a fresh start, I wanted to start my life completely over and live the right way! To be a better role model for my children. To shine God's light in everything I do. I am now the closest to God I have ever been and I can honestly say I feel like a totally new person. I'm so much happier, I look at so many things in different ways now. I quit smoking cigarettes, I have found a new love for running and taking care of myself. I actually want to learn more about God's word and Jesus every chance I get. I love my Church and the people who go there. My daughters have learned so much in the little time they have been going also! I loooove to listen to christian music now, which it used to get on my nerves. I can listen to it now and feel his glory down on me! It really is an amazing feeling to fully surrender my life to Jesus, and give everything to him. I also don't worry as much as I used to because I know that everything is in the hands of the creator and he will see me through anything and everything. If you have something you are doing to feel self worth besides turning your life completely over to Jesus, I promise whatever you are doing is no where near the feeling you get from when you have been given a new life! Jesus died on the cross for you! He loves you so much that he endured so much pain and agony so that you could one day spend eternity in heaven. No matter what you have done, he will forgive you of your sins and wrong doings. He will love you no matter what you do, he will always forgive you and their is no love stronger or greater than that! His love never fails! If you have not asked Jesus into your heart I hope that my testimony might lead you to make that decision to, or if you feel like you should rededicate your life to Jesus and start over new like I did... I hope you will make that decision to. I don't know about you, but I look forward to spending eternity with Jesus in heaven. To be able to be with someone who loves me so much before I was here on earth, someone who died for me so I can have a better life, and be happier than I ever have before! There is no man or boy on this earth, or woman or girl on this earth that loves you more than Jesus or God. God sent his only son to earth to die for our sins. Now that is love! That is worth feeling whole about! I know my redeemer lives!

**God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

**He will never leave thee or forsake thee. Hebrew 13:5

**"A woman's heart should be so hidden in God, that man has to seek Him just to find her."